Graves Gets His Mac On
by Winnebagels
Summary: The only thing I hate more than smut is going back on a promise. Apologies ahead of time. All dialogue taken from /watch?v f2oAhYpTHqA. Rated M for sex.


Graves Gets His Mac On

A Study in Context

Written by AJ Graves and Raven Software

Edited By Winnebagels

[Winnebagel's Note: Fair warning guys this is really really really dirty and just overall unsettling. Don't read if you're a kid or, you know, a decent human being. I don't like writing sex stuff but Graves is a good friend of mine and you should have seen the way he begged. Downright pitiful it was. He wrote all the dialogue as you can see here: watch?v=f2oAhYpTHqA. I just provided a bit of atmosphere to his mad pervert rantings. Enjoy what bits that you can.]

***It was a Friday night and Graves was lonely. He always seemed to be lonely on the weekends. He had had a tough day at work and needed a quick way to relax. He flipped through his home copy of Slutty Yellow Pages and came across his favorite advertisement. It took a bit of prying to get it loose and the pages were still fairly sticky but he had found the number of Cheap Holes: Holes for Cheap. He was going to hire a lady of the night. A real lady this time too. Because what the hey he had the money. Graves finally settled on a brunette girl named Jan. From what he could tell from the ad, she wasn't the prettiest of girls. Still, Graves was sure she had a sparkling personality. Graves heard a knock on his door at a quarter past nine. A woman's voice asked him to open up quick, as it was getting cold.***

AJ – Alright I'm just gonna waddle over to the door.

Jan – Ok Ill wait here

***Graves unlocks his front door and lets her in. He offers her a glass of wine cooler but she politely declines. They stare at each other for a few passing moments before Graves shuffles them into his bedroom. Jan says that they could start with some foreplay. Graves tries to lighten the mood with small talk.***

AJ – Luckily I am in fact a human, and not a camera.

***Jan seems unfazed by his witty banter as she drops her slacks to the floor. Graves laughs to fill the silence as he gets down on his knees in front of her.***

AJ – I vaguely remember this.

Jan – Don't take all day.

***Graves apologizes and starts to take her panties off with his teeth. He slips the first three times, accidentally biting her. She pushes his head away and does it herself.***

AJ – Aaaaalright

AJ – Well that was awkward. Lets just kinda move on.

AJ – Definitely. Definitely know what I'm doing.

AJ – This requires a special tactic.

***Graves starts ramming his head against Jan's vagina. Jan doubles over in pain.***

AJ – Oh oh what's wrong? What's wrong?

AJ – I'm sorry am I throwing you off?

***Jan lifts her head and nods slightly.***

AJ – Oh man

AJ – I'm so turned around right now.

***Jan says that maybe he should start with his fingers.***

AJ – Oh

AJ – I remember now.

***Graves raises his hands to her inner thighs and let's his pure animal instinct take it from there.***

AJ – Alright if I recall correctly

AJ – Jackpot

AJ – Alright now I can go over here.

AJ – Nope. Wrong way.

AJ – This button isn't working anymore.

AJ – The heck was that?

AJ – Lets goooo here.

AJ – Ooop. I knew that was gonna happen.

AJ – I was testing you to make sure you knew it was gonna happen.

***Jan decides that that's probably enough foreplay for now and takes Graves by the hand, leading him to the bed.***

AJ – Well all right then, mission accomplished.

***Jan asks Graves if it's been a while since he's last touched a woman.***

AJ – What? How did you know?

AJ – I have not played this game in years.

AJ – Got a high quality rag doll though

AJ – Ready for any situation.

***Jan purses her lips and straddles Graves's legs. Jan rests her head on Graves's shoulder and whispers:***

Jan – Lead the way

AJ – Awesome

AJ – Alright here we go!

***Graves fumbles about with his pants for a minute and a half, decides it's easier to just pull down the zipper.***

Jan – That's one way to do it.

AJ – Come on you didn't know that'd work? That would work, geez I can't talk.

***Jan pulls his mouth to her's and begins to kiss him. Soon Jan is lying on her back and mini-Graves is standing at full attention.***

AJ – Yolo

***Graves plunges into her.***

AJ – There we go

AJ – There we go

AJ – There we go.

AJ – There we go

AJ – Uh there we go, there we go!

Jan – That should get you where you need to go.

AJ – Itll get me where I need to go.

AJ – Silent.

AJ – Deafening.

AJ – Silent.

AJ – Deafening.

AJ – Silent.

AJ – Come on.

AJ – Come on Jan.

AJ – Lets go Jan come on.

AJ – Sweet cheeks come on.

AJ – Come ooooon

AJ – GG

AJ – GG

AJ – GG

AJ – GG NO RE

AJ – Oooo

Jan – Took you long enough.

Jan – What a mess.

AJ – LAWL

AJ – I like when I actually hit them in one shot. It looks like I know what I'm doing.

***Jan crawls out from under Graves, picks her slacks off the ground and makes herself decent. Graves asks her if she'd like to grab a coffee or something, you know, outside of work. Jan stares Graves down, takes her money from the counter and leaves.***

AJ – Well this might not happen again.

AJ – Who knows?

AJ – I am almost dead, oh man

***Graves grabs his laptop out from under his bed, zips his pants back up, and looks for steampunk hats on etsy.***


End file.
